Them's da Breaks

Literally.

A couple of Sundays ago (May 21st specifically), I was on my merry way to the loo at 1:30am when my little toe made a sudden and painful contact with a very thick heavy wooden step stool. While a little sore, there was no discoloration other than a small bruise on the tip of my little toe and minimal swelling if any.  I even walked on it.  But a voice kept telling me to get it checked out.  I managed an Orthopedic appointment the following Wednesday and surprise! It's fractured.  I have a non displaced fracture of the fifth metatarsal.  I'm now wearing a boot and I'm on crutches because I'm currently non weight bearing (most of the time anyway).  Needless to say, this has thrown a wrench into the works.  There will be no strenuous hiking for 6 weeks (4 left).  There is a camping trip coming up at the Delaware Water Gap area of the Appalachian Trail.  Not sure I'll actually get to step on the AT there, but hoping I am able to do something.  It's going to be a long 4 weeks.  The one positive is that not being able to use one foot has made the muscles in my bad butt work better and get into better shape so that injury is actually feeling better.

First Hike

Yesterday evening, I went out for my first hike since starting treatment for my injury.  Because I have a reevaluation of how things are progressing with my hip joint, I needed to get out there and see how things were working on the trail.  I opted to take along my pack with some weight in it too.  I was carrying about 14 pounds- roughly half of what I had on the trip we took. 
I started out and had very little problem with the first hill.  In the past, I'd normally have to stop at least twice going up this incline, but other than stopping to answer my husband's phone call, I was good.  The next two inclines were ok too- no stopping and only a slight ache in my hip.  But by the next hill, one that was a longer incline, I was in a little bit of pain.
While I was definitely hurting, the pain level was closer to the every day ache that I had been experiencing rather than the excruciating pain I was in on day 2 of our backpacking trip.  So this was definitely an improvement.  I have to keep reminding myself of that because I was hoping for a pain free miracle the first time out, and in reality that just isn't going to happen.  I do need to focus on the fact that I made it halfway through an almost 2 mile hike carrying 14 pounds without pain or needing to rest much.  And when the pain came, it wasn't on the same intense level it was in the past.  So there is progress being made.  I'll discuss it all today at the chiropractor and go from there.  
In the meantime, I'm hoping to get back in shape and start doing some short hikes without the pack.  Perhaps working on building up muscles that haven't been working properly in the last 2 years.
All in all, it was a positive experience, and I'm hoping to be able to plan a trip in the fall.

The Butt Whacker

Last year, I posted about a medical issue I was dealing with called Piriformis Syndrome (you can read it HERE).  Basically, the piriformis muscle is located under your gluteus maximus and if injured, it can cause irritation of the sciatic nerve that runs under it. As far as pain, my butt aches all the time, non stop, all the time.  While most days it isn't excruciatingly painful, it is bothersome, but on hikes, the pain can become intense.  Any forward uphill movement makes the issue worse.  Adding a 30 pound pack nearly did me in.
I tried physical therapy a year ago and it helped, but only for short periods of time.  Then the aching would return.  After my backpacking trip I was completely convinced that I would never be able to go on trips longer than an overnight because I would be able to go the longer distance and more importantly, I wouldn't be able to carry what I needed for an extended trip because of added weight. Piriformis Syndrome is a very dreary thing.  There isn't much hope of it going away for good.  Your options for treatment include physical therapy, cortisone shots, botox or surgery.  And surgery isn't a guarantee fix.
So, at a recent doctor's appointment, I mentioned that I thought my hips seemed to be tilted- one side was higher that the other (and the higher side was the side with the muscle problem).  I asked if this could be part of my problem and he said yes.  He recommended I go to a chiropractor to get it looked at an see what they could do.  After asking around for a good chiropractor, I finally made an appointment.  During my first consultation, the Chiropractor told me he didn't think that I had piriformis syndrome, and I nearly wept with joy.  Turns out, I was right.  My hips were badly misaligned (from the fall 2 years ago) and this was pulling on my muscle.  In fact, it was so badly misaligned that my left left appeared short than my right.  This was throwing my whole gait off for 2 years. 
After my first adjustment, I felt better.  The pain was still there, but had moved.  Muscles in my hip were starting to work the way they were supposed to and were sore because of it.  I've had 3 visits, and I improve each time I'm there.  I actually had my first pain free day in 2 years this past Friday and it was glorious. And last night I went for a 1.5 mile walk, and there was no pain in my butt or hip (just my sprained ankle). I'm not back to 100% yet, but there is improvement.  I'm looking forward to starting to get back to hiking and backpacking
(once I get my repaired packs back from Osprey).
(In case you're wondering, the term "Butt Whacker" was my play on "Back Whacker" which is what my cousin refers to her chiropractor as)

Backpacking Trip: Day 2

View from Annapolis Rocks

The second day of our trip dawned on an overcast morning.  The rain from the night was long gone, and the sky had a promise of sun.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my disposition.  I did not sleep during the night.  Between the privy runs in torrential downpours, the changing of wet clothes, the worry about getting my new down sleeping bag wet, the worry my tent would leak and the ever increasing pain in my butt, it's a wonder I didn't wake up mutated into a shorter version of Godzilla ready to destroy Tokyo grumpier than I was.  We ate breakfast and packed up camp and got ready to head down the trail.  I was personally trying hard not to cry and failing.  It really was not a good morning.  I didn't care about the view, all I wanted to do was get moving.  I knew that my aunt had planned to meet us at our stop for the night at Dahlgren Campground.  All morning, I struggled mentally about whether or not I should make the choice to end my hike.  The pain was pretty bad, especially on any inclines, and I knew I had some inclines coming in the next couple of days.  I kept thinking that if I ended my trip, I would be failing, and then I was fighting back the tears again, which made it difficult to breathe while carrying 30 pounds with a bad ass.  I tried to keep quiet and push on.  As we hiked south, we began meeting up with day hikers heading north to Annapolis Rocks.  Annapolis Rocks is a popular destination for the view, hiking and rock climbing.  These people carried nothing except small hydration packs or day packs and some were wearing nothing more than flip flops.  I hated each and every one of them on sight.  The happier they were, the more I plotted their demise resented them.

My cousin, myself and my husband

Finally, we made it to the Interstate 70 overpass.  This was my husband's thrill of the trip.  As a kid (and adult) he passed under that bridge on trips to visit his grandparents, and he always wanted to walk across it.  My cousin and I did our best to muster pleasant faces for the photos that we weren't thrilled about having to take.

Once we crossed over the bridge, we meandered around people's backyards before deciding to take a break and have a snack.  We met a few people out for a day hike who were headed the same direction we were.  One was a Hispanic man in a bright yellow shirt (he's important later).  After resting and eating some snacks, we got up and headed back on the trail.  Our plan was to hike the roughly 3 miles to the Washington Monument (the original one in Boonsboro, MD not the one in DC) and eat our lunch there.
It was a grueling 3 miles because 1. It was the longest 3 miles I've ever hiked and 2. There was a never ending mountain hill.  As we climbed the mountain hill, I had to stop every couple of feet to rest and stretch my butt.  It was about this time that my mom began feeding me lifesavers.  My cousin swore several times that we were "almost there" and several times she came near death when each time we were nowhere near almost there and more mountain hill lay in front of us. Then I spotted something bright yellow making its way down the hill.  It was the Hispanic man we had met earlier.  He took one look at me and said "Jew are berry close, berry close" in his accented English.  I think I said "God bless you" 4 or 5 times to him as I realized that I wasn't in the 4th level of hell  going to be hiking this mountain hill forever.  I now refer to that man as my "Little Ray of Mexican Sunshine".

We did finally make it to the top.  There we met 2 men headed north on a hike and we stopped to chat with them.  I asked how far it was to the Dahlgren campground.  One said less than a mile and his partner said, "No it isn't, remember you can't trust information from other hikers on the trail"  Turned out it was more like 2 miles.  I thought about all the horrific stories we heard about upcoming terrain from The Wannabes and Eeyore and realized the guy was right, you can't trust the information.  They assured us that the hike wasn't too bad and that we wouldn't have any trouble getting there after we ate. 

We got to the monument and sat on the bench for lunch.  The Monument was still closed for repairs.  Prior to our trip, the monument was struck by lightning and damaged.  There were 2 women in it at the time, and one was seriously hurt.  That afternoon it was a sunny, though windy, day.  There were 2 men there bird watching.  I assumed they were watching peregrine falcons, but I was too tired to bother to go ask them.
The vultures were there. Circling.
Normally I would be interested in walking around and looking at the view, but all I wanted to do was die not move.  My mom walked around and took pictures, thankfully.
















After lunch and a rest, we headed out.  At this point, I had made the decision that I needed to end the hike.  My cousin had also come to this decision as she was dealing with some pain as well.  My husband is the one who really pushed that I needed to stop.  So the choice was made, my cousin and I would be heading to her house for the remainder of the trip while my mom and husband continued on.  As we made our way down the trail, we discovered that there was more to the Washington Monument State Park than we realized.  Down the hill from the monument, there are pavilions, picnic areas, a museum and bathrooms.  Had we known, we might have eaten our lunch comfortably at a picnic table. 
As we hiked on, we that we would all have dinner at the Olde South Mountain Inn which was where we were meeting my aunt.  The thought of a hot meal that didn't require me to boil water and a soft bed I didn't have to blow up gave me a little extra energy (not to mention all the extra sugar from the lifesaver candies my mom was handing me). We reached the parking lot of the restaurant and my cousin and I sat on the curb and waited while my mom and husband went to set up their camp at the Dahlgren Backpacking campsite.  When my aunt pulled in, my cousin and I were all smiles and waving.  My aunt commented that we made it past MD 77 which was further than she thought we would make it (like I said, she's hilarious).
When my mom and husband made it back, we all headed into the restaurant.  We weren't exactly dressed for the occasion, though luckily, none of us stunk too bad.  There was a wedding rehearsal dinner going on, and we were all a little self conscious about our clothes.  The staff at the Inn were very nice and treated us just like any other customer who might be in better attire.  Our meals were awesome as was the dessert.  Starting back on day 1 about an hour into the hike, we were all dreaming about food.  I guess when you're hiking through the woods with little to no signs of civilization carrying everything you need to survive on your back, food becomes an obsession.  My mom, cousin and husband started talking about Key Lime pie and continued talking about it right up until we were seated at the table in the Inn. And wouldn't you know it, the South Mountain Inn had Key Lime pie.  I had the chocolate Godiva cake and it was awesome.  This turned out to be a surprise gem in our trip.  We had a great time, ate great food and had a great waiter.  The only odd treatment we received was some hoity toity blonde woman who turned her nose up at us as we walked out (I swear we didn't stink).  For those planning hikes along the trail here, note that the menu is pricey (though so worth it).  After dinner, we said our goodbyes and my cousin and I headed to her place for showers and clean clothes.  It was up there in my top 5 showers (hard to beat the shower I had after living in a field for several days at the UFO Ranch in Washington or the one I had after a weekend of Scout Camporee and nothing but Port-a-Pottys)

Day 3 coming up!

MIA

I feel like I've been MIA on this blog for a long long time.  Heck, I feel I've been MIA in everything lately as I'm pulled in all sorts of different directions and activities and jobs. 
I just returned from a week long Scout Camp with my son which explains my lack of blogging since I can't very well drag along a laptop with me. And while I wasn't able to blog about hiking, I was able to do a lot of hiking/walking in those 4 days.  I probably hiked/walked miles over the week that I was there.  My biggest concern was how I'd manage with my injury/piriformis syndrome.  I had to carry the daily necessities (sunscreen, water bottles, rain ponchos, clipboard, etc.) in my back pack all day traveling back and forth from camp to the different program sites.  Surprisingly, I managed okay without the benefit of any heating pads or massages to help ease the muscle tightness.  I wasn't carrying around a 30 pound pack, but I was carrying several pounds in the pack I had for 4 1/2 days.  My muscle was very tired and sore still.  I'm hoping that it will continue to improve or it will be a very slow hike I do in October. All in all it was nice to spend the time with my son and be outdoors, but I am glad to be back home.  Hopefully I can get things organized and back to a more regular blogging schedule (and maybe get everything else to fall into place).

Roam If You Want To

I finally ventured out last evening on my first walk/hike in around a month (or since the physical therapist told me to take it easy).  After managing to walk around Camporee this past weekend without too much difficulty, I figured it was time for a little more.  Rather than hit an actual trail, my mother and I opted to walk down a private lane near her house.  It has one long hill but is otherwise flat.  Just enough to test the waters.   As we walked down the hill, we saw two horses running towards us- not in a fence.  Loose horses are always an interesting thing to deal with so I realized this little walk might end up being a lot more adventurous that I had originally thought.  There was a house near by that had a pasture with a gate open.  My mom went to see if the horses were possibly theirs and see about getting them back home.

In the meantime, I had coaxed one over with a handful of grass.  I took off my sweatshirt and used it as a makeshift rope to keep the horse from running off.  I was at least hoping it would keep the horse from running off because I really didn't want to lose my sweatshirt.  Eventually my mom returned and told me to turn the horse loose.  Apparently the owners let the horses out of the pasture to roam where they want to (I know, the B-52's song is stuck in my head now too).  As a horse person, this is pretty much ridiculous.  There are countless things that could happen to a horse when it's pastured let alone wandering aimlessly in areas you have no control over.  But I can appreciate the horses' desire to roam because that's part of what lead to this back packing business in the first place.
We continued on our way and visited a couple more neighborhood horses (who were appropriately paddocked) before turning around to head back.  I was having very little issue with the muscle injury.  There wasn't really any pain involved, just issue with the muscle being tired quickly- a consequence of not being used for a while I imagine.
Eventually we came to the long hill we had to climb to get home.  The photo doesn't do the hill justice, as it looks almost flat, but believe me, it's a big hill.  And I know it doesn't compare to hills out on the AT, but I haven't climbed anything in a month and hills cause the most pain with my injury.
I managed to make it with only a couple of breaks and I was pleased that the problems I had seemed to be due to lack of conditioning.  Once I get my muscle strength built up, I might actually be okay.
Even this morning I felt okay.  My piriformis muscle is a little tight, but it was much better after some stretching, which I plan to do a few times throughout the day. 

Things are looking a little more hopeful.

State of the Butt Address

So this is what I did this weekend:

 

I was camping with my son's scout pack for their annual Spring Camporee.  It involves a lot of walking the whole weekend along with camping things like setting up tents, sleeping on air mattresses and walking around with a backpack.  Basically everything that normally makes my hip/butt injury hurt pretty bad.  I was concerned about how it would hold up over the weekend.  I was pleasantly surprised that it barely even ached.  Granted I only had a first aid kit, a bottle of water and a clip board in the back pack, but it was still more than I had in a month.  I made sure I stretched when I could and sat down when I could.  I even felt good enough to try my hand at the rope bridge the boys had to do (not too shabby in my opinion).  So some of my anxiety over this injury is gone and I'm thinking I might be okay after all. In the meantime, I'm continuing all the stretches and exercises from PT and this week I'll try some light hiking but without a pack.  I don't want to over do things and end up worse than before.  

I can do this!

The Pit of Despair

Westley: Where am I?
Albino: The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. (from The Princess Bride)


I debated whether I wanted to write this post, but since I wanted this journey to be transparent for myself and others, I decided I needed to.  Things in my life became more difficult over the last week or so.  My husband lost his job.  I won't go into those details because they don't really matter, but know it's not because of anything he did wrong.  Anyway, this created a problem for me.  My husband is the one who had the health care.  With no job there is no health care and with no health care there is no way to afford the 6 (or 7 I don't remember) prescriptions I have to fill every month or the regular doctor's visits I have with the regular blood work I get.  It also means no way to afford physical therapy.  Without PT my piriformis syndrome issue can't be resolved and if that can't be resolved I can not physically hike.

If I can not physically hike then there's no possible way I can manage 40 miles on the Appalachian Trail.  Which means, I can't go on this trip.  This is what had me in the Pit of Despair.   

I'll be the first to say depression sucks.  And I'm not talking about the kind of depression where you're just a little sad about something happening, like your hamster died.  I'm talking about the medical illness caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors.  I'm talking about depression that changes your normal daily life- interferes with your sleep, your ability to work and your everyday activities.  It steals your motivation and sucks the enjoyment out of activities you normally enjoyed.  For instance, if gardening usually helps you with stress levels and makes you feel better mentally, you can not get out and garden.  Deep down you want to, you might know it will help, but the depression won't let you.  You don't want to go into the garden and work because you don't care (or more accurately don't want to care).  It takes a long time to motivate yourself to do whatever it is you want to do, and if the smallest thing happens that changes your plans, you say "Forget it! I knew I shouldn't have bothered to do xyz! It's not worth it!" 

I want to also add that you should never tell someone who suffers from depression that being happy is a

choice.  For most people I guess it can be, you can choose to laugh things off.  For those with depression the choice isn't yours.  It isn't that you are choosing not to be happy/content it's that being happy is an emotion you can't even muster.  There is nothing more frustrating for me than someone telling me I need to choose to be happy.  Because yeah, I'm choosing to eat my weight in Nutty Bars, sleep all day and not experience anything remotely close to happiness. 

Anyway... back to hiking.  The thought of not being able to do this trip sent me careening into the Pit of Despair.  This trip was more than a fun way to celebrate turning 40.  It wasn't just an adventure.  It was one of the things I had listed as something I wanted to accomplish before I was 40 that I could actually accomplish before 40.  I had accomplished nothing else on the list.  Nothing.  And that made me feel like a failure (here's where I say don't tell me I'm not a failure.  I feel like one and telling me I'm not one is invalidating how I feel- boy I'm up on all sorts of soap boxes today!).  Without going into too much detail, the last decade or so, I dealt with a lot of things.  Things that can be considered emotional and psychological abuse, and things that were extremely high stressors.  Some of the things I dealt with actually had me stop writing.  I haven't written anything other than blog posts in 15 years- and prior to that I was editor of an award winnging college literary magazine and a published poet.  I lost who I was.  I no longer knew myself.  My life was not what I imagined or wanted it to be.  And then, I planned this hiking trip.  Suddenly I was getting passionate and excited about something.  I was going to accomplish something that I wanted to before I was 40 AND it sparked a desire to write a book (also on the list of things to accomplish) that I began working on feverishly.  And then, like that. It was done.  Dreams squashed again.  All because I hurt my butt a year ago and didn't realize it until I hiked with a pack on my back.

It's been a long week for me and everyone around me.  There's been rivers of tears, nasty attitudes, anger, woe and violent out bursts where I throw tennis balls and break glass (just a photo frame, not a window).  I stopped doing my PT exercises because why bother? 

 Then, I had 2 dreams both featuring my deceased grandmother and both occurring on some trail in the woods.  In the first I'm laying sprawled on the trail wailing and my grandmother is standing there holding one of my hiking poles and says "Get up or I'll crack you with this!" and in the second we're on a wooded rocky trail and I'm having a pity party and she's holding my pocket knife- open- and says "Get up and start hiking or I'll crack you with this!" (the I'll crack you with this is something she often said to myself and my cousin- and truthfully, we probably needed some cracking).  If you know me and my paranormal background, you know I believe these weren't random silly dreams but actually visitation dreams.  My grandmother, who I was close to, was telling me in no uncertain terms to knock it off.

So last night I told my husband the hike had to happen.  I have no clue what's going to happen with my injury, but for now I'm going to keep doing the exercises and having my husband work on massaging the area to help work out the knots in the muscle.  I'm going to lay off the training for a bit longer to give the muscle time to heal, and hopefully it will be okay.  And if it's not, I'll push through it.

Because this hike is happening.

The Syndrome

I'm not actually referring to the villain in Disney's The Incredibles- though he was a pretty big pain in the butt and interestingly enough, what I'm referring to is, literally, a big pain in the butt.

I posted recently about the hip pain I had on the last hike that I went on and how I was thinking seriously that it might actually end all my training and but an end to my plans to go on a back packing trip. 

I spent two nights not being able to sleep from the pain before finally breaking down and calling the doctor.  So I went, and he poked and prodded and moved my legs this way and that and determined that there was no sign of a bone issue or a joint issue or a ligament/tendon issue.  It seemed I had a silver dollar sized area in the muscle of my butt that was causing the problem.  I was given a prescription of an anti-inflammatory and told to go  try some physical therapy.  While I was glad it didn't seem to be a serious physical problem, I still really didn't know what was wrong and if it would actually be something that would be able to be completely fixed. 

Then just the other day while I was hard at work browsing on Pinterest, I came across something an acquaintance had pinned.  It was something called Piriformis Syndrome, and the area the diagram showed seemed to be in the same area as my pain.  So I checked it out.  The more I read, the more I became convinced that this was finally the answer.
The piriformis muscle is a flat band-like muscle in the butt area behind the gluteus maximus that is used to stabilized the hip joint and rotate the thigh muscle.  So it's used for most major things like walking or hiking.  The sciatic nerve runs through or next to the piriformis muscle and down the leg.  This is the nerve that is involved in that lovely thing called sciatica.  Piriformis Syndrome is actually an uncommon neuromuscular disorder that is caused when the sciatic nerve is compressed by the piriformis.  Inflammation of the piriformis can be caused by a fall or movements that repeatedly stress the muscle.
I actually fell on my hip about a year ago while checking out photo ops for my wedding.  At the time it wasn't that big of a deal.  My butt/hip area was a little sore, but there was no real lasting effect.  Every now and then if I did a lot of standing or walking my hip would ache, but nothing was a problem until recently when I started training for the hike. However, that little fall seems to have been the trigger with the issues that are currently going on.
I had my first physical therapy appointment and I received confirmation that I was probably right about the piriformis problem.  The symptoms I was dealing with- pain going up stairs and on inclines, pain after sitting long hours, pain when working hip abductors and a tingly/nervey feeling in the spot on my hip/butt.  Luckily there are stretches that can help and so I've begun my 3 times a week PT schedule to reach my goal of being able to hike with a 30 pound pack (the physical therapist said I had the most specific goal anyone has ever written down). And as a bonus, the therapist is also going to work on strengthening my non existent core muscles.
So there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it sounds like I'll be able to manage this trip after all.  And as for that hike where I fell and started this whole problem, it was definitely worth it.  On our wedding day, my husband and I hiked up to Cascade Falls in Patapsco Valley State Park for a photo op (we were married at the Park, it was awesome).  And yes, I hiked up to the falls in a wedding dress- that's just how crazy bad ass I am.

Crepitus

Crepitus is exactly as lovely as it sounds.  It is what they call the sounds and sensations of cracking, popping or grinding bone in your joints.  Most notably in the knees. It's a word I've known for so long I almost think I was born knowing it.  When you damage your knees as much as I have falling off horses, you learn about crepitus. 

On March 15, a group of us headed out to Catoctin to hike one of their 5 mile trail loops.  This hike was going to feature terrain more like what we would see on our back packing trip in October.  It was also the first time I planned on taking along my new pack.  So I threw a few bottles of water and a first aid kit in the pack, laced up my boots, grabbed my hiking poles and hit the trail.

Things were good when we started out.  I had under 10 pounds of weight in the pack, and the pack was pretty comfortable (I have the new anti-gravity Osprey Aura 65L- love it!).  But once we started the incline, things started going downhill pretty fast.  While my knees ached and popped and creaked, it was my left hip that had me limping 5 minutes into the hike.  It began as an ache and increased pain levels as we went further.  Starting at my hip, the pain radiated down my entire left leg.  It had me popping ibuprofen and begging for breaks.  At one point, if I had been with just my mom and my husband, I probably would have broken down and cried.  But with my cousin there, I pushed through.  She and I have slept in a haunted prison, camped at a UFO Ranch and been shot at while investigating a haunted asylum- we're tough.  Just like there's no crying in baseball, there's no crying in hiking (or so I told myself in my head). It wasn't so much the pain that had me emotional, it was the sudden fear at the realization that it was possible I might not be able to physically handle back packing.  It was March 15th, the Ides of March- the day Julius Caesar was warned about.  The day Caesar's own best friend Brutus betrayed him and helped murder him.  And here my own body was betraying me.
Finally, nearing the end of the trail, I let my cousin take the pack and I had immediate relief.  Not all the pain was gone, but it was manageable.  And that really worried me.  The pack and its contents barely approached 10 pounds, how in the world was I going to hike 10 miles a day, for 4 days with 20-30 pounds?

How in the world was I going to manage this trip?